Friday, June 4, 2010

Expectations

I've been reading on various blogs and thinking a lot about expectations the last couple of days.  As a teacher, I instinctively aspire to having high expectations for myself and for my students.  I'm always encouraging students to: be the best they can be, stay positive, "you can do it"...you get the picture.  But with CCSVI and the liberation procedure, I'm trying to convince myself to have low expectations and I'm having a hell of a time with it!  Because the truth is, I want this to make me better!

So while I say to myself,"I'll be happy if it just stops the progression of my MS", there's a part of me...and its a big part... that really wants the fatigue to go away, the numbness to go away, the stiffness to go away, the bladder problems to disappear, etc., etc.  And all the while I'm thinking, "But, wait, this is dangerous thinking, Moni!...you're setting yourself up for a potential major disappointment and how are you going to deal with that?!"

I was thinking about that last night, as I was trying to sleep (with not much luck...have to stop drinking that green tea in the evenings).  The power of positive thinking...people hear that phrase all the time, but what does it really mean?  I've been reading a bit about quantum physics (I know, sounds impressive, doesn't it? LOL) and how it can relate to spirituality.  I read a book by Greg Bradden, titled, The Divine Matrix.  In it, he writes about how our thoughts and intentions can influence the world around us.  It was a very interesting read.  And one that made me think that I had better keep thinking positive, and imagine myself getting better...just in case my thoughts and intentions DO influence the world around me!

As far as the, "how I am going to deal with a major disappointment"thinking goes...I'm going to rationalize that away, by saying that "it takes time for the body to heal and everyone heals differently; just as everyone's MS is different. So, how can I be disappointed right away if it doesn't seem to have worked?...it's just my body adjusting and healing".

Of course, all this debate is pretty much mute if I don't even have CCSVI.  In which case, my rationale will be:  I still have MS and I'm still waiting for a cure (I know, its lame,  but its all I could come up with at the moment.)

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